Neti Pot Tales

Never heard of a neti pot? Actually, mine has changed my life. But seriously, it does the grossest thing I've ever experienced.

Confused? Here's a little background. I've been having some sinus problems lately. I had a couple of colds, and each time I got over them, the nasal stuffiness just lingered for days on end. It made sleeping impossible. No amount of nose blowing worked. It was just miserable.

Until I discovered the wonder that is the neti pot. I'd heard about them, and had even contemplated buying one for years. But...I don't know. I was chicken. Even watching Dr. Oz make some poor audience member demonstrate its use on the Oprah show didn't make me want to rush right out and buy one. But finally I did.

Apparently there is a practice of neti that has been around for centuries. I guess the most devoted people use oils and such in their neti pots, but really, that's just weird.

I bet you're all still confused. Let me explain what a neti pot is used for. In a nutshell, it's a little pot that irrigates your sinuses. And here's how you do it.

Fill the little pot (it looks like a teapot) with warm distilled water mixed with a little bit of regular old table salt. Stick the pot's spout up one of your nostrils. Tilt your head to the side and forward (just a little!) and watch as the water pours into one nostril and comes out the other. Repeat on the other side. Then exhale - hard. And watch what comes out of your nose. It's unreal. Oh wait. Don't forget to do this over a sink. (Just in case you're a little slow)

Holy shit. This practice of neti has made a world of difference in my life. I can breathe at night, which means I can sleep. I'm not embarrassed in restaurants as I mouth-breathe and eat at the same time (ew). I am 100% thrilled with my $17.95 purchase. You can pick one of these babies up at WholeFoods.

The only problem I've experience so far is that if I tilt my head a certain way, I feel like I'm drowning myself since the water gets sort of backed up in my head.

Close Call!

So I went in for my 1-hour glucose test this past Friday to check for gestational diabetes. After buying two cartons of Edy's ice cream this weekend (whatever, they were on sale and they are American Idol flavors, thank you very much), I found out on Monday that I failed! So I had to go back for a three-hour test, which is, in a word, NOT FUN. Okay, that was two words.

For those of you who aren't familiar with this test, you first get your blood drawn to get a base reading on your blood sugar levels. Then you drink the sweetest, most disgusting bug juice you've ever had in your life. Then you sit for an hour and have more blood drawn. Then wait another hour and have even more blood drawn. Then wait an hour after that and have blood drawn again! Suffice it to say that I now look like a pregnant addict.

The good news is that I got my results today and I passed! Woo hoo! Now I can eat all that American Idol ice cream. Not that it would have gone to waste...my husband would have made sure of that.

On a totally unrelated note, I was on my way to the subway this morning. I was almost there, and was stopped at a red light. I look over to my passenger seat to make sure I have everything...bag of food, check. Purse...no check. Where the hell was my purse?? Yeah...It was still sitting on my kitchen table where I left it before running out of the house. So back I go. I was so irritated. Pregnancy brain at its finest. But at least I had my food with me - I know where my priorities are.

Try To Figure This One Out

I had the weirdest dream last night.

I went to my doctor for a regular OB appointment and the midwife, played by Brooke Smith, who is currently the new heart surgeon on Grey's anatomy, did an ultrasound. Well, we didn't tell her that we don't want to find out the sex until the birth. That was a mistake. Because on the screen, we could see the baby's little penis. I said, "No, no, we didn't want to find out yet!!"

So Brooke Smith who was playing my midwife said she would just deliver the baby right then. She did, and the baby came out with Norm McDonald's head. It could talk and stuff. In that Norm McDonald voice. And I kept thinking, I know I'm supposed to love my baby, but how can I deal with that whiny voice??

Then to throw another wrench in the whole situation, my mom was at a bartenders' convention in Vegas. She planned it because I wasn't supposed to deliver until weeks later.

I woke up very confused and grateful that Norm McDonald is someone else's son. I mean, he's funny and all, but that voice...man...

I'm Slowly Going Crazy, Or How Elton John and Mary J. Blige Affected My Morning

I was driving along to the subway today, driving, driving, driving, when I decided to pop in the CD that my friend Shana made me. It's a really good one. Thanks, Shana!

I listened to some Coldplay, some Cure...good stuff. Then comes that Elton John classic, "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues." It's the live version duet with Mary J. Blige. It's really really good. If you've never heard it, get yourself to iTunes and download it. You won't be sorry.

I have always loved this song, Mary J. Blige or not. I'm a big Elton John fan. Don't get me started.

But anyway, the song is going on...and all the sudden I find myself crying. I really truly finally UNDERSTOOD why they call it the blues. I couldn't believe I was crying! You have to understand, I'm not that big of a cryer.

I almost turned my car around and went home to curl up in a ball and meditate on the meaning, the true meaning, of that song. Instead, I drove to the damn subway station and got on a train. And then I was REALLY depressed. At least I know my hormones are flying all over the place, as they should be.

An Anniversary of Sorts

Nineteen years ago today, I became a Bat Mitzvah. I mean, how old do I feel now?? Christ.

Oreos Will Make Me Nuts and Broccoli Will Make Me Cry

I have learned two things recently. If I eat five oreos in a row, my baby kicks me all over the place. I feel like it could have punched me in the face!

If I eat broccoli, I will get THE worst gas pains ever. The first time it happened was about three or four Saturdays ago, and I went to the hospital. Yep, it was just gas. But it took me a couple of times of eating broccoli to figure out that it was the culprit.

Which is too bad because I really do like broccoli.

But I'll continue to eat the Oreos, because I don't mind getting kicked by the baby.

Resolutions

I have two New Year's resolutions (well actually I have three, and one is a carry-over from last year).

1. The 2007 carry-over - I will not gossip as much. I have, aside from celebrity gossip (which doesn't count), really tried to get away from gossiping as much. It's hard, given how much I love to know everything.

2. I will bring my lunch to work at least 3 days per week. This is a toughie. I am so bad about making my lunch.

3. I will wear lip gloss every day.

I hope these have been inspiring.