Just...Ew

I went to WholeFoods yesterday for a fun shopping experience. Every once in awhile I realize that I care about what I'm putting into my body, and going to WholeFoods makes me think that I'm doing my body good. (Shout out to Slim Goodbody there.) I'm also going to shout out to my friend Shana here, because we had a life-changing experience at Whole Foods one cold February Saturday this year. It was a whole thing.

Anyway, I happened upon a product called rice yogurt in the dairy section. I was immediately intrigued. You see, back in my London days (how snotty do I sound?) we would get this rice pudding/yogurt type thing at our local Safeway. It was seriously fabulous, not too fattening, and tasted like heaven in a small cup. I wish I could remember the name of it.

So I bought a strawberry-flavored rice yogurt for a whopping $1.39. Normally I like to buy whatever's on sale at the Giant, and that typically runs me about .50 a yogurt. I thought the hefty price would be worth it, though, if the product could bring back some good London memories.

Uh, no. I opened that shit up just now for my afternoon snack. First off, it was brown. (Remember, this is supposed to taste like strawberries. Brown might be the right color if the strawberries were, say, from 1950.) Second off, it was a texture that I will try to describe, but can't do justice. It was gelatinous, but still mixable. So when mixed, it looked like what would happen if you could somehow bring yourself to mix up a large quantity of chicken fat with a plastic spoon. It didn't become smooth, as normal yogurt will. Instead, it was like lumpy gravy. Sweet lumpy gravy. And the taste? A little bitter and very grainy in my mouth.

Thanks, rice yogurt. Thanks, Whole Foods. At least I didn't consume those 190 extra calories, so I guess I did do my body good in that respect.